How Not To Fall For The Gidget Act

I know it is difficult not to be charmed. Last night at the debate, Sarah Palin pulled all the stops and turned on every ounce of Alaskan girly-girl-ness. She winked at the camera, smiled, and told us the secrets of her inner soul in a most endearing, conspiratory whisper. How can we not be taken?

With all the finesse of a Victoria’s Secret model, she flirted and teased and covered up her ineptness at debating. For every point Jo Biden made, she gave us a flurry of lace; for each of Jo’s solid steps, she produced a can-can. For every fact, a fantasy, for every question, an evasion. And we sat with our jaws agape with a silly smile on our faces, overcome by so much genuine femininity.

How can we not love a voice so bubbly, even if it tells us the most incredible lies? How can we not fall for a smile so sweet, even if it covers up the fact that we’re about to experience the most vigorous butt-screwing in recent history?

It’s difficult, not to be charmed, but it is possible. Before we can free ourselves from the beguiling personality of Sarah Palin, we must first re-engage our brains and try to think.

Let’s eliminate first some key phrases from Ms. Palin’s speech, such as “The American People” (used at least fifteen or twenty times and sometimes without context), “This great country” (two or three times out of context), “Do the right thing” (although she never mentioned what the right thing is), “Freedom and democracy” (out of context), “Government, get out of the way” (while in the same sentence demanding more government oversight), and “Alaska” and how she faced down the bad, bad oil companies. Now, let’s see what’s left.

She says ‘nookeelar’ like George W Bush. OK, I guess I can forgive her for that. And it did get Bush elected. She has no clue of alternative energy or any interest in pursuing it, because she has not grasped the reality of Global Warming. She can’t put together two sentences without repeating herself or running in circles. This also reminds me of our current president. She is against gay marriage and did not affirm that she would actively work toward granting basic rights to same-gender couples. Her exit strategy from Iraq is to continue to do what Bush is doing. No exit strategy at all. She want tax breaks for the wealthy and reduction of government spending and we all know where that leads with Republicans: Cut the programs that help our poor and sick and elderly.

In light of all these facts, perhaps it is not so hard to resist the seduction and stand fast against the conspiratory whisper. Perhaps it is easier now to understand the reactionary politics of the McCain/Palin ticket without falling for the sweet Gidget smile. Perhaps you will send your man to the nearest strip club to find a more straightforward seductress, one who does not hide behind the hockey-mom image, but stands by what she does without apology. And when she winks at him and whispers her sweet secrets into his eager ears, remember that at least she won’t be living in the White House on tax dollars.